This week on Facebook, touching posts of President Obama delivering the eulogy for Senator Clementa Pinckney and singing “Amazing Grace” in Charleston, South Carolina, the Supreme Court’s decision upholding the Affordable Care Act, and the announcement of the decision in favor of marriage equality sent most of America reeling by Friday afternoon. It has been quite a week of tears and laughter, celebration and a call to reflect on who we are, what we stand for, and why.
I awaited the decision on marriage equality with guarded optimism. When I read Pam’s text announcing the outcome Friday morning, I was at 9,400+ feet, working my Friday volunteer job at Bear Lake, Rocky Mountain National Park. My first reaction was to marvel that the text came in. They usually don’t at that place in the Park. Then I was stunned. Then I realized I had a rapidly spreading grin on my face. I wanted to tell someone. To share the news. To be happy about this with another person. The first two people I told were colleagues (I didn’t think it appropriate to announce the news to all the visitors milling about the plaza, planning hikes). Their reactions were less than enthusiastic. “OK,” I thought, and turned to the next visitor who said, “I’m here! Where should I go?” In the press of questions and directions I set my own excitement aside until I had time to really reflect on what this meant to me.
Arriving home after my shift, I talked with Pam for awhile about the decision. I was surprised that my feelings were not just “WoooHooo! Marriage is legal! Our marriage is valid everywhere.” A lifetime of feelings pushed forward needing to be recognized, pondered, and articulated. Pam and I talked about this and then looked at FaceBook where most of the initial reaction was indeed, “WoooHoo!” Rainbow colors adorned more and more faces and spaces with every click. It was a while before I got to read the beautiful concluding paragraph of Justice Kennedy’s majority opinion, or that I learned which justices made up the majority. Upon reading their names, I immediately thought about our friend, singer/songwriter Ann Reed who penned a wonderful song titled,
“Will You Marry Me, Ruth Bader Ginsburg?” Indeed!
That evening we went to dinner at the home of Lee Kennicke’s great niece—Becca Caldwell. She is married with Tommy Caldwell, the guy who in January completed the first free ascent of El Capitan's Dawn Wall in Yosemite National Park. Soon after we arrived, Becca pulled out one of the celebratory bottles of bubbly commemorating Tommy’s climb. “This is a very special day,” she said. “We want to celebrate the Supreme Court’s decision on marriage equality,” and with that, this woman I have known since she was a little girl popped the cork on the bottle and filled our glasses.. “To marriage for everyone!” she toasted. I was speechless, my eyes filled with tears. What a beautiful acknowledgement of something we’d never discussed but always known. Thank you, Becca and Tommy. You made the day.
When we got home Friday evening, I began to think about what I wanted to post on Facebook. I wanted to say something simple (different for me), something much more than “Yippee!” Here is what I posted:
For almost thirty years my partner and I have lived the commitment we made to love, honor, and grow together. Today, in a five to four decision, the Supreme Court of the United States recognized and made legal that commitment in all of our 50 states. We salute Justice Anthony Kennedy who wrote for the majority and the justices who joined him in this landmark opinion: Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Stephen G. Breyer, Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan. We thank our family for their continued love and support. We send thanks to friends and allies who have stood with us and for us through the years. We stand in awe of those who have worked so hard to achieve marriage equality. Indeed, love will out. It never gives up, never loses faith...and can endure through every circumstance...What a day this has been.
In the morning, I opened Facebook to see what comments if any my post had garnered. There were many. All positive. All celebratory. Many talked about the work we had done together and the joy of this decision. Here are two of the comments that were the most moving for me…one from Nannette Chisholm, our cherished friend and shaman. She has seen us through thick and thin ever since we met—souls aligned and loving. The other comment exchange was with Emily Style founder of the S.E.E.D. program that Pam and I conducted as staff development our last 12 years at New Trier.
Nannette Chisholm: I am so honored to know and love these two powerful and dynamic women, Pam Liebing and Bonnie Beach. I am also honored to know and love so many other GBLT Light Beings...people who have taught me so much about the ability to withstand judgement and even hatred, about how to truly have the courage to be oneself, no matter what, and who exemplify compassion in the truest sense of the word. In my lifetime I have loved men and I have loved women. I am honored to walk this path with an enlightened man by my side who sees me clearly. I just say this today: we are all here to shine our light in the brightest way we know how. That's it. And when you really unravel this, it means learning how to love and accept ourselves in the deepest most authentic way, so that we have this fountain of love and acceptance at the ready to steadfastly share with all beings we encounter. Today I bow in honor to all who have persisted, who have fought ignorance and darkness and who have continued to walk their path in authentic love. I walk with you. Aho.
Emily Jane Style: thinking with pride about what it means for me to hold light & love, looking at our Dawn & Emily Jane wedding photo from August 6, 2011 at First Parish Church in Plymouth. thankful for Massachusetts where Marriage Equality has existed since 2004 & where we now make our home.
In honor of keeping the momentum going, because one victory does not mean the fight is over! It speaks clearly of the need to bring the movements together, to remember that none of us is truly free until we are all free!
Bonnie: Blessings on both of you. We too have been "Civilly Unionized" since 2011 and converted that union to marriage in May, 2015. So much love and such beautiful celebrations it is lovely to be bathed in it all...and yet, there is more to do. Paths to be walked. Justice and equity to work for. Thank you for being part of the foundation we stand on in this work. Bonnie
Emily Jane Style: hugs across the miles & the years to you & pam. blessings on your love & union always. i agree about deep need to create paths to be walked going forward. for ourselves and for/with others. the juxtaposition of obama's words celebrating the court's decision on friday-late morning with his eulogy words (and singing) in the afternoon of that same friday (a Good Friday...) illuminate for me the potent landscape of the work we do, the lives we lead. love to both of you!
Emily Jane Style: hugs across the miles & the years to you & pam. blessings on your love & union always. i agree about deep need to create paths to be walked going forward. for ourselves and for/with others. the juxtaposition of obama's words celebrating the court's decision on friday-late morning with his eulogy words (and singing) in the afternoon of that same friday (a Good Friday...) illuminate for me the potent landscape of the work we do, the lives we lead. love to both of you!
Our Weddings, Our Worth
JUNE 26, 2015
Op Ed New York Times
Frank Bruni
…They have never hugged in the front yard, never kissed in front of a window, because what would the neighbors think? What would the neighbors do?And while he thinks of these as minor adjustments, to the extent that he thinks of them at all, there’s a toll to such vigilance. It’s that old self-consciousness in a new form. And there’s a longing beneath it — to be appraised solely on the expanse and the limits of his talents, on the goodness he musters and the goodness he lacks. To be deemed and regarded as the equal of anybody else...In 2015, on the last Friday of a month fittingly associated with both weddings and gay pride, there’s something bigger than a crack. There’s a rupture.
Following a few extraordinary years during which one state after another legalized same-sex marriage, the Supreme Court rules that all states must do so, that the Constitution demands it, that it’s a matter of “equal dignity in the eyes of the law,” as Justice Anthony Kennedy writes...
I can speak for a 50-year-old man who expected this to happen but still can’t quite believe it, because it seemed impossible when he was young, because it seemed implausible even when he was a bit older, and because everything is different now, or will be.
Tomorrow’s 12-year-old won’t feel the foreboding that yesterday’s did. Tomorrow’s 16-year-old will be less likely to confront, sort through and reject so many sad stereotypes of what it means to be gay or lesbian. There won’t be so many apologies and explanations for the 20-year-old, 30-year-old or 45-year-old, and there won’t be such a ready acceptance of limits. There won’t be the same limits, period.And that’s because the Supreme Court’s decision wasn’t simply about weddings. It was about worth. From the highest of this nation’s perches, in the most authoritative of this nation’s voices, a majority of justices told a minority of Americans that they’re normal and that they belong — fully, joyously and with cake.
So Becca, thanks to you, with champagne too! With humble thanks to all of our family, the friends and colleagues who learned and grew and stood beside us all of these years, to the Justices of the Supreme Court…here is the decision that has altered the future of tomorrow’s kids as they grow up in an ever changing world.
Op Ed New York Times
Frank Bruni
…They have never hugged in the front yard, never kissed in front of a window, because what would the neighbors think? What would the neighbors do?And while he thinks of these as minor adjustments, to the extent that he thinks of them at all, there’s a toll to such vigilance. It’s that old self-consciousness in a new form. And there’s a longing beneath it — to be appraised solely on the expanse and the limits of his talents, on the goodness he musters and the goodness he lacks. To be deemed and regarded as the equal of anybody else...In 2015, on the last Friday of a month fittingly associated with both weddings and gay pride, there’s something bigger than a crack. There’s a rupture.
Following a few extraordinary years during which one state after another legalized same-sex marriage, the Supreme Court rules that all states must do so, that the Constitution demands it, that it’s a matter of “equal dignity in the eyes of the law,” as Justice Anthony Kennedy writes...
I can speak for a 50-year-old man who expected this to happen but still can’t quite believe it, because it seemed impossible when he was young, because it seemed implausible even when he was a bit older, and because everything is different now, or will be.
Tomorrow’s 12-year-old won’t feel the foreboding that yesterday’s did. Tomorrow’s 16-year-old will be less likely to confront, sort through and reject so many sad stereotypes of what it means to be gay or lesbian. There won’t be so many apologies and explanations for the 20-year-old, 30-year-old or 45-year-old, and there won’t be such a ready acceptance of limits. There won’t be the same limits, period.And that’s because the Supreme Court’s decision wasn’t simply about weddings. It was about worth. From the highest of this nation’s perches, in the most authoritative of this nation’s voices, a majority of justices told a minority of Americans that they’re normal and that they belong — fully, joyously and with cake.
So Becca, thanks to you, with champagne too! With humble thanks to all of our family, the friends and colleagues who learned and grew and stood beside us all of these years, to the Justices of the Supreme Court…here is the decision that has altered the future of tomorrow’s kids as they grow up in an ever changing world.
5-4
MAJORITY
SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED STATES
Syllabus
OBERGEFELL ET AL. v. HODGES, DIRECTOR, OHIO DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH, ET AL.
CERTIORARI TO THE UNITED STATES COURT OF APPEALS FOR THE SIXTH CIRCUIT
No. 14–556. Argued April 28, 2015—Decided June 26, 2015*
JUSTICE KENNEDY delivered the opinion of the Court.
The Court, in this decision, holds same-sex couples may exercise the fundamental right to marry in all States. It follows that the Court also must hold—and it now does hold—that there is no lawful basis for a State to refuse to recognize a lawful same-sex marriage performed in another State on the ground of its same-sex character.
***
No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right.
The judgment of the Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit is reversed.
It is so ordered.
